


The Alpaca

by mrs_d



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_d/pseuds/mrs_d
Summary: Lucifer rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Must you interrogate me?”“I walked in to find an alpaca wandering around your nightclub,” Chloe pointed out, “so, yeah, I kinda do!”
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 9
Kudos: 165





	The Alpaca

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Day 26 of my [Do What I Wantober fest](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947496), but it didn't really suit the prompt, so I'm posting it as a silly, fluffy one-shot instead. Enjoy?

They say that, eventually, couples run out of secrets. That a marriage, or a partnership, or whatever you want to call it, erodes secrets over time like the wind wears away a cliff by the ocean. And what’s left when those secrets are gone, when there’s no mystery left, will either adapt to its new shape and stand firm, or else crumble away into nothing. 

Well, they — whoever _they_ are — have clearly never met Lucifer Morningstar. 

Chloe knew it was impossible for her to know everything about him. He was immortal, for starters; she didn’t have nearly enough time for that. But once they settled into a relationship, she thought that things would become routine. That she would come to know some of his secrets — like how long he took in the shower every morning, and what kind of products he used on his hair. In other words, she expected something close to normal. 

In other words, she didn’t expect to find a llama wandering around Lux. 

“What the fuck?” she said, too loud, because the llama turned in her direction. Chloe swiftly reversed course, stepping backwards. “Lucifer?”

“Sorry,” his voice called from a back room. A second later, he appeared, with a thick purple rope in one hand and a harness in the other. “Sorry, Maze was supposed to fetch him, but she got held up, and I forgot to get the harness out earlier, so I had to dig—”

“Lucifer,” Chloe said again, while the llama cocked its head at her, like it was wondering whether her hair was edible. “What the hell is going on? Why do you have a llama?”

“He’s an alpaca, actually,” said Lucifer. “Common mistake.”

Chloe glared. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“I know.” Lucifer stroked the alpaca’s head and slipped the harness over its neck. The alpaca didn’t fight him at all; in fact, it half-closed its eyes, like it was enjoying Lucifer’s touch. “He’s marvelously soft. Here, feel.”

“No, thank you,” said Chloe. She’d never been fond of barnyard animals. “Just— why is— is he your pet?”

“What?” Lucifer laughed. “No, of course not.” 

But he didn’t explain further, either. Chloe crossed her arms over her chest and glared some more.

“Ugh, fine,” Lucifer sighed. “If you must know, he’s part of a deal. Payment, if you will. You know how it is.”

“Uh.” Chloe did not, in fact, know how it was, but her first thought was that it couldn’t be good. “Someone paid you back... with an alpaca?”

“No, no, the other way round,” said Lucifer. “Paulie here is the payment I’m making, for services rendered.”

“And... why did they want to be paid with an alpaca?”

“You know, I never bothered to ask,” said Lucifer mildly. 

“Never bothered to—!”

“I imagine it’s got something to do with Paulie’s breed,” Lucifer went on. “He’s rare. Going to be a real stud amongst the lady alpacas soon, aren’t you, boy?”

He stroked the alpaca’s head a little more, until there was a familiar muffled chime. Lucifer left the rope hanging down to the floor while he pulled his phone out of his pocket, but the alpaca — did Lucifer actually name it? — didn’t move. Its eyes were locked on Lucifer like an obedient dog awaiting instructions. 

Which made Chloe wonder if her partner had some kind of celestial power over animals the way he did over humans. She’d never seen him interact with them, really. The occasional K-9 unit would wander over to him in the precinct, she supposed, and one time a flock of pigeons on the sidewalk parted for him like the Red Sea, but birds did that when anybody walked near them, right?

“Excellent,” he said, tucking his phone away again. “Maze will be here in five or less.”

Chloe nodded, like this wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d ever walked in on — which was a high bar, when Lucifer was around. 

“And what did you they do for you?”

“Hm?” said Lucifer, which usually meant that he heard the question but didn’t want to answer it.

“The person who’s taking—” Chloe waved her hand at the animal, not quite able to call it by its apparent name. “What favor could possibly warrant you buying them an alpaca?”

Lucifer looked at her for a second, then shook his head. “I can’t tell you.”

That, at least, was an answer, but Chloe wasn’t a detective for nothing. She loved snooping, and with Lucifer, it was all about asking the right questions. “Do you have a confidentiality clause with your clients?”

“Clients?” Lucifer laughed. “I’m not a therapist.” 

“That wasn’t a no,” Chloe observed.

Lucifer, still chuckling, shook his head again. “No. Not as a general rule.”

“So sometimes you do,” Chloe concluded. “This time, you do.”

“I don’t,” Lucifer said. 

Chloe blinked in surprise. “Was that a direct response?” she teased. “Be still my heart.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “Must you interrogate me?”

“I walked in to find an alpaca wandering around your nightclub,” Chloe pointed out, “so, yeah, I kinda do!”

“Detective—”

“It’s not something illegal, is it?” she asked, then immediately regretted it. “No, wait, I don’t want to know.”

“Yes, you do,” said Lucifer. When she shot him a curious look, he shrugged. “I might not be able to mojo you into telling me you want to, but I know you. It’s obvious.”

Chloe could grant him that. “So... is it? Illegal, I mean.”

“No,” Lucifer said firmly. “Not even remotely.”

“Good,” Chloe said with a sigh of relief. “Then, whatever it is, I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do,” Lucifer repeated, but the front door opened before he could say more. Bright daylight streamed into the club, so Chloe couldn’t see, but she’d know the sound of those boots anywhere.

“Hey,” said Maze, unfazed by her presence. “This the package?”

“No, there’s another alpaca in Lux,” Lucifer said sarcastically. “Of course this is the package.”

Maze sent Chloe a look. “Somebody’s snippy today.”

“Just go,” Lucifer sighed. “As it is, you’ll be lucky to get there by sundown.”

“Relax, I’ll make it,” Maze assured him. Without another word, she took the rope and led the alpaca away. 

“Right,” said Lucifer. “Let me just freshen up, and then we’ll go. I’ve landed us a reservation at this wonderful new Italian restaurant around the corner, I think you’ll really like it.”

Chloe tore her eyes away from the sight of Maze walking outside with what was no doubt an expensive and rare animal, as if this was perfectly normal. Maybe, for her, it was. And it was quickly becoming more normal for Chloe, too. 

Just a regular Tuesday, when you were dating the Devil.


End file.
